WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?

STEP ONE: ASK WHAT?

The first step to getting what you want is deciding what you want!

Please forget about what you should do, what others want you to do, what you've already agreed to do, and what you wanted to do in the past. We are starting with a clear slate. Also forget--for the moment--how you will go about getting what you really want. For now, engage in some constructive daydreaming. Generate as many "wants" as you can in fifteen minutes.

STEP TWO: ASK "WHY?"

For each of the things you've listed, ask yourself "Why do I want this?"  Sometimes you will find that the thing that is listed is just a step on the way to a larger goal.

Here's an example: if you wrote, "I want to be able to spend an hour a day at the gym every day," is it really the gym experience that you want? Or is it to be really fit and healthy? If it's the former, great; if it's the latter, there may be other, better ways to achieve that which may or may not involve the gym.

If you set a specific financial goal, what do you want the money for? Again, there may be some way to reach it that does not require a lot of money.

Use your "why?" strategy to condense your initial list to the core things you really want.

Now put each one into one of the following categories:

1) Career/business
2) Relationships (spouse, partner, relatives, friends)
3) Health & fitness
4) Spiritual/religious
5) Financial
6) Self-development & adventure
7) Other (you can give this category any title you want)

Within each category, choose the one that is most appealing and important to you. Often one will jump out at you. Circle those.

Now, of the circled ones, choose the one that is most appealing and important to you. Which of these will make you the happiest and will contribute the most to your life when you have achieved it? Write that one at the top of a fresh piece of paper.

STEP THREE: CALCULATE THE PRICE

Everything we do has a price. Some things cost money, some cost time, some cost emotional effort, some cost physical effort (most cost some combination of these). A simple example: if your goal is to learn a new language, it will cost you a number of hours per week and some money for lessons or instructional materials. It may cost you some physical effort (e.g., driving to the language school twice a week). If you are fearful of failure, it will also cost you some emotional risk.

For the goal you have chosen, take 10 or 15 minutes to jot down your best guess about what it will cost you in terms of:

1) money
2) time
3) emotional effort
4) physical effort
5) other costs

For each of these costs, jot down where you think you will find the price that you will need to pay. If it's money, where will you get that money? Will you need to spend less on something else? What else can you spend less on? If it's time, what will you stop doing in order to make time for the new activity? If there's an emotional price, what sort of support will you need?

You cannot predict every element of the price, but you can make a good educated guess. You may not now know exactly how you will find all the resources you will need. That's OK--we'll help you with this later in the process.

When you've done these steps, ask yourself: "Do I care enough about this goal to pay the likely price?"

If the answer is yes, congratulations! You have identified the first goal to work toward. When you reach it, you will reap the reward not only of that goal itself, but of knowing that you can reach your goals. It will empower you to move on to other important goals. The more you reach, the easier you will find it...and before too long, you will be living the way that you formerly only imagined.

For the next step, go to the page called "How to Get What You Really Want."